Are any of my experiences normal?

Lately I’ve been wondering whether anything I’m experiencing is normal.  Prior to my surgery, I had been living with a massive tumor, pressing on my brain for possibly two decades.  This is not normal.  After the surgery, I have a grapefruit size hole in my brain where A-A-Ron used to be.  My brain is totally free to do whatever it wants inside my head.  This is also not exactly normal.  There is a marked difference in my sensory perception after the surgery compared to before.  I tested this out fairly soon after the surgery by watching La La Land.  I had watched it prior to surgery, found it dull and boring, and didn’t even finish the whole thing.  After the surgery, I found the colors to be much more vibrant and the music to be much more engaging.  I still didn’t think the movie was that great, but my experience of watching it was different.

Since the surgery, all of my senses have awakened or heightened.  First I noticed colors and sounds.  Then I noticed smell, specifically when I could smell the fresh fish while walking near the Potomac River. Then my taste buds exploded. Then my sense of touch became more noticeable.  Now, because of this new multi-sensory awakening, every experience is a new a experience for me.  Anything I do for the first time since surgery is like I’m doing it for the first time because I’m so much more alive now, or, to put it in the opposite way, I was so dulled and stifled beforehand.

I wonder, though, whether my before or after sensory experience is equal to what everyone else experiences.  I will never know the answer to this question, as everyone’s  experiences are based on their own brain’s processing of the stimuli in the world around them.  I’m just curious.  Have I been missing out all these years?  Or is what I am experiencing now something different from what everyone else experiences? I have no idea.  I do know that sitting in a park, listening to the birds, feeling the sun and/or the breeze, and being in that moment is divine.  I know I want to jump in puddles in the rain. I want to go to shows so I can listen to live music and see bands play. I want to experience everything I can and live in the moment as much as is possible.  And I encourage you to do the same…because you never know what tomorrow is going to bring. It really doesn’t matter whether what I’m experiencing is normal, because I’m going to take full advantage of it anyway.  But I still wonder…

One thought on “Are any of my experiences normal?

  1. This reminds me of when Lillian was little. She seemed to get overwhelmed easily. I them started reading about children and adults who experience things as “more”. Some people have this in one modality, like super tasters who can taste the subtle flavors. Some have it in multiple modalities. They are sensitive to loud noises, bright lights and the like. Sometimes this can be overwhelming and sometimes provide joy.
    I don’t think it means people who aren’t like this are missing out. I think everyone’s experience is different. I think you are lucky to be experiencing a new awakening. I am very happy your are enjoying it.


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